Making Peace w. My Past & Baltimore.

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Lord, I just want to quickly pray over all of my readers right now before they even begin to read this blog post. I pray that they read this with an open heart to receive the Word that You have for them, Lord God. I pray that every one reading this will remember the past no more and quit allowing the past pains to torment them, for we know that when we look towards the past, we cannot move forward to the glorious future that You have set before us. Change and heal their hearts, Lord God, for in Your precious Word, it says that You heal and bind up the broken hearted. You set all of us free through Your Son, Jesus Christs sacrifice. I pray all of this in Jesus’s mighty name. Amen!

Isaiah 43:18-19 HCSB

18 – “Do not remember the past events,
pay no attention to the things of old.
19 – Look, I am about to do
something new;
even now it is coming.
Do you not see it?
Indeed, I will make a way
in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert.

First, let us pay attention to the first phrase.. “18 – Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to the things of old.”

Whew! God has been dealing with my heart in this area over the past couple of months. He graced me for a certain point until He noticed that I began to mull and procrastinate over the things of the past. Once He saw that I wasn’t doing my part, He was like “Okay, Katheryn, it is time that you GROW UP! I have told you over & over again that I have erased your past once you asked My forgiveness. You need to move forward NOW!

I can admit.. I have allowed my past to cripple me, the decisions I make and the way I treat those around me. I have been thinking like a victim, instead of a SURVIVOR AND VICTORIOUS WOMAN OF YAHWEH!

I have chosen to give a foothold to the devil by remembering the pain of 2015. I may have been hurt by those I looked up to last year, but God calls me to forgive them. I chose unforgiveness and bitterness, instead of peace and harmony. I have chosen depression and hopelessness, instead of joy and hope. I have chosen anger instead of contentment.

Now, let us take a look at the first part of verse 19… 19a – “Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it?”

Another wow moment.

I could easily blame the fact that I had a messed up childhood. I was never taught true love growing up, instead I was taught manipulation and selfishness. Strife, division, bitterness, anger and forgiveness was a daily thing in my family. So I was used to chaos and once God finally placed something good in my life, I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know what to think of it because it was a foreign feeling to me. So, I made up unseen realities in my mind and created chaos out of the peace that I finally had. I pushed every one away because I was afraid of true love.

God says in this verse that He is about to do something new! He is such a caring and loving Daddy that He doesn’t want to see us stay in the same condition we are currently finding ourselves in! Thank You, holy Father!

I am making peace with Baltimore and I am making peace with my past. I am choosing deliverance and redemption! I am holding on to the new things that God has promised me!

Last year was a year of counterfeit EVERYTHING, but this year is the real deal!

God is ripping out my old foundation and making it brand new and lasting!

Guys, when I tell you that I did not know if I would make it last year, I mean what I said. Because of my disobedience, rebellion and stubborness, I found myself in a mess that God never intended for me to ever be in, but because of my fleshly choice, I had to deal with the consequences of that choice. Now, God has more gunk to rip out of my heart in this particular healing season of my life.

My depression got so bad last year, that I was almost ready to just kill myself. To run back home to Baltimore. I was so hurt and torn that I grew cold to God and love. I built the walls around my heart higher than they already were. That’s what disobedience does to you!

BUT GOD!

Verse 19b – “Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”

I decided to cry out to Him in December of 2015 and He just began relentlessly working on my heart. Of course, there were some actions that I needed to take and still need to take to free myself of the bondage that I placed myself into, but thank GOD that He was patient with me and never gave up on me.

I come into 2016, still with a broken heart but I know that God is working over time on healing my heart. It is definitely a hard process to go through and there are still a lot of things that I need to move on from, but as I continue crying out to God, He will heal those holes in my heart and make me whole.

Today, I am making peace with my past and the way that I was raised in Baltimore.

My identity is found in Jesus and God’s Word, not this world, not through people, not through how I was raised, not through my tests, trials and tribulations nor where I lived.

I love you all.

Stay faithful.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox,
Dancing Dreamss.

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