These are pictures of me from 2008-2012 when I was a lukewarm, ignorant babe in Christ. I had no knowledge of NOTHING Biblical. No relationship. No NOTHING. I was a self-proclaimed Christian that ran the streets all day and night. I was the girl that was made fun of up until high school. I was the girl that dropped out of high school because I was depressed. Contemplated suicide many of times and didn’t even know that I had a Savior that cared. I was the girl that ran the clubs, parties and the streets. Couldn’t NOBODY tell me nothing! I was going to do what I wanted, when I wanted it no matter what YOU thought of it! I cursed like a sailor, left and right I would curse people out like it was nothing and I didn’t care how many times I got into fights BECAUSE OF IT. I wasn’t wanted in my family, I was considered the “bad child” and was blamed for EVERYTHING. Multiple times I just wanted to run away from it ALL, but thank The Lord He kept me safe in His palms! I was the girl that was partying dusk to dawn, then dawn to dusk; downing vodka, patron, whiskey, rum and ciroc all in one night. I was the girl that shook her booty all the time in the club but was empty on the inside, but could never figure out why. I was the girl that almost ran away to Miami with a pimp to become a stripper because money was my idol and I thought it was my ONLY option. I thank God for divine protection there, too, but I didn’t see it quite yet. I was the girl that was abused by men; physically, emotionally, mentally and was almost killed quite a number of times. I thank God I never died, my angels were certainly watching over ME! I was the girl that was addicted to alcohol, pornography and masturbation because I could never get enough of the lustful spirit that was inside of me. I knew it was wrong, but I kept doing it, despite how dirty I felt afterwards. I was the girl that let randoms in my life just because I ain’t want to be lonely. Little did I know, all I needed was some Jesus! Whew! I thought about death more than I did life and I hated God for all of the pain I went through! I was the girl that let fear control her life and every movement and I so desperately wanted free from it, but searched everywhere BUT the Lord. I was the girl that would walk or drive down the street, see a cop car and yell at them and disrespect them. I thank God I never got thrown into jail for it! I disrespected everyone in authority because I RAN MY LIFE! I was the girl that lied about any and everything just to make myself “look cool”. My life was all about me, me, me and MY goals. I was a train wreck headed straight for hell!
One morning in July of 2012, something welled up in me on the inside to go to church. I had NO CLUE this was the Holy Spirit speaking to me back then, because mind you, I hadn’t been to church in probably almost 7 years. I went and I felt right at home but let me tell you! The Lord was CUTTING ME UP AND WRECKING ME on the inside! He was straight CONVICTING ME and LOVING ON ME! I remember the day like it was yesterday. Hallelujah, praise God, I was finally going to church regularly! Now, mind you, I still had my little boyfriends that I was having sex with. I was still partying and dancing at the club. I was still acting a ratchet mess outside church. Haha! I thank God for meeting me where I was at, though because I had no idea where God was taking me. He little by little, worked on me. I thank Him for working with me slowly because it probably would have overwhelmed me had He have done it all at once. Anyways. I was that girl that was the hypocrite in the Church, but God didn’t care. He still worked on me. I had boyfriend after boyfriend, left and right during this time. Still having sex with them. I kept telling God bluntly “This is the last time I’ll have sex but I’m going to do it”. I knew it was wrong but I was still blunt with God. I was going to church regularly by now and started serving in the church. Eventually God cut off my little boyfriends, they randomly dropped out of my life like it was nothing. I took it like it was and told God “Okay God, I’m doing things YOUR way now. Lead my life”. That’s when God came in like a mighty rushing wind! He removed fear from my life and I started seeing things from a different perspective! I got my drivers license, got my high school diploma (not my GED, my HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA) and I start writing down some goals. That’s when Dancing Dreamss Ministries was birthed. My baby! Lol! In March 2013, The Lord told me to quit my job. I was a dancer at TATU Asian Restaurant. I did but then I went back in April. I rationalized and slapped some scriptures on it and said that “God is okay with GoGo dancing. I’m going to set an example and evangelize at the club!” says the girl that is still dancing half-naked and drinking a quart of alcohol a night. Hahahahahaha! I laugh it this now. Y’all know how we do when we want to rationalize disobeying God and slap some scriptures to it and say its God lol. It’s so funny the way think but God knew my heart was so serious lol my heart and motives were so pure, I was just ignorant with the Word at that time. I remember telling God bluntly “I want to celebrate my birthday at a hotel, get drunk with my girls and watch the sun set over the harbor and then go clubbing afterwards. But God, let Your will be done”. He shut me down real quick! I got laid off my job the middle of May in 2013 and STILL tried to rationalize GoGo dancing! God wrecked me with that one! Haha! By my birthday (June 17, 2013), I had lost all tolerance and taste for alcohol, not to mention I was broke with no money at that time! I remember I was drunk off of wine on my 21st birthday and looked at myself up and down in the mirror and said to myself: “I will never drink alcohol again a day in my life” and so I didn’t. I’d be lying if I said that I never experience the thought or temptation to pick up a bottle and drink it. I do. But I ask God to take away that temptation and He does.
Let’s recap before I move on here:
I haven’t stepped foot in a club since May 2013.
I have been free from pornography since late 2010.
I have been free from masturbation since late 2010.
I have been free from alcohol addiction since June 2013.
I have been celibate since February 2013.
I have been free from secular music since March 2014.
Whew! I thank God for divine deliverance! He has touched me in a way I could never completely understand! Now, I’m mature in Christ. I know who I am in Christ. My faith is rock solid. I’m bold, confident and courageous. I’m heavily involved in the church (Youth Ministry, Dance Ministry, Hospitality Ministry, Sound Board and just random other jobs). I have such a wonderful relationship with my Heavenly Daddy and He has caused me to grow in wisdom like NEVER BEFORE. I’ve grown more in the past year than I ever have in my entire life. God has revealed so much knowledge and wisdom to me and He has entrusted Me with His great and beloved people! I thank Yahweh every single day for placing me at my church that I’ve been going to since July 2012! They have made me grow into the wonderful disciple of Christ to this day! They are such wonderful Holy Spirit led people! They’ve brought so much joy and love to my life!
To everyone who is reading this:
God can use you despite the weaknesses you have. Despite the past mistakes you have made, let alone the future mistakes we will make. God has placed a divine plan over your life and He wants you to RISE UP and walk in that plan and purpose! He’s called all of His children to rise up! This is the time for transformation and restoration! God doesn’t care about your scars or battle wounds. He is our great Healer and Deliverer! Take your place, my sweet loves, and just give God your entire heart and He will heal your broken heart! We all mess up. None of us are perfect. I surely AM NOT perfect. I mess up every day. But guess what? God knows my heart and according to 1 John 1:9, if I confess and repent (turn away) from my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive! God will reach down with His gentle and loving hand where you are currently at and pull you out of your mess, I don’t care where you are at, where you’ve been or how bad you think you have it. Nothing is too hard or impossible for our Great and Majestic, Wonderful God! He’s waiting on you. Just rest in Him, cry out to Him and be honest and cut throat with Him. He will help you. Just rest. He is THERE.
God never left me, even though I was a lukewarm Christian from the time I let Christ in my heart in 1st grade. Guys I cry typing this because God’s love is so RELENTLESS! It’s like a Hot Pursuit! He definitely held me in the palms of His hands and I’m also sure the prayers of my grandparents, parents and church were the reasons I never got killed or thrown into jail. Guys, when I say an angel was watching over me like a hawk, I really mean it. God was THERE! I had faith in God, even when my boyfriend at the time was beating me. I had faith in God when I was believing in Him to provide for me while I was dancing at my job in the club. Many times God blessed me at my dancing job with an angel in disguise or a random person coming up to me giving me money. God had people come up to me as I was pulling out of the car garage in downtown Baltimore at 4am when I got off work. God had angels watch over me as I walked alone to my car after work and these random dudes tried to get me to go to their place. God had angels watch over me when I got a ticket after work one night for parking in the wrong place and I cut up with the police officer by ripping up the ticket, yelling that I wasn’t gon’ pay it and he must be out his everlasting mind to think I ever would. Later that night as I drove off, they threw a rock at my car. I thank God nothing else happened (like being thrown in jail). Many times I would feel a void after I had sex with my little boyfriends and had no idea that was the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart to come back to Him.
God was on a relentless pursuit for my whole heart, and He won. And I’m here to say to you right now, He wants your heart too. Just surrender, yield and cry out to Him. He loves you!
❤ Dancing Dreamss.